The ‘$21,000’ Slap: Better Child Discipline

The ‘$21,000’ Slap: Better Child Discipline

Just last week, a video of a father ‘disciplining’ his child with slaps emerged. Some went on to assert that the slaps were worth the supposedly $21,000 paid in fee for the boy. This video got me thinking about the subject of parenting in Africa and I would love to read from you, your thoughts on disciplining a child after you finish reading this article *smiles*

This video inspired my quest to ask people how they were disciplined while growing up and some of the stories are horrifying. What some have come to accept as discipline especially in Nigeria, in my opinion, is child abuse.  Here is one such horrifying experience of a child in a city like Abuja where you would think that parents are exposed and should do better.  Let’s name her Ra. Ra was one evening sent on an errand to buy some items for the house. Like every child, you play a bit on errands until your parents instil some kind of fear that makes you stop playing. Ra played a bit as she went on the errand, she delayed and came back home not with the complete items she was sent to buy. What her mother did next was shocking.

Her mother got so mad that she rubbed chilly in Ra’s eyes and was going inside the room to get more chilly which according to her, her mum was going to rub that in her private part. In that state of fear, Ra took off as fast as she could to her aunt’s place where she stayed for some time. Like most adults who don’t see the reason to apologize to their kids when they have done something wrong,   Ra’s mother never said sorry to her when she came to get her back to the house. Stories of parents, using flat irons on their kids, beating them with hangers, sending their kids to prison amongst many other weird forms of disciplines abound. 

Any parent will be pained when a child comes back home with poor grades as a result of missing their exams after paying fees that they laboured hard to accumulate. However, the way you discipline a child has far-reaching effects. Other parents may not be as harsh as   Ra’s mum some parents don’t even hit their kids but the kinds of words they use on their kids make the children question if truly their parents are their biological parents. Emotional abuse as a form of discipline is also bad. 

You may wonder why I am writing about parenting when the majority of people that read my blogs are not parents. Well, you are not parents yet but we can’t afford to fail the generation coming after us, our children. As much as theoretical knowledge about parenting from reading books and attending training can’t be equated to parenting in practice, you must be aware of these issues and be intentional with parenting when you get to that stage.

There is no one size fits all when it comes to the subject of parenting and until you understand this and are ready to commit to handling the uniqueness of each child, you have no business parenting. In the case of the boy slapped by the dad, I doubt it ever crossed the mind of the father to inquire if the child is dyslexic or in the case of Ra, whether the punishment (abuse) was the right way to correct her for forgetting to buy the complete items.

While each child is unique, you must be careful not to show favouritism and cause unnecessary tension among siblings. My parents were about to make the mistake of having me as a favourite with special treatment but I thank God for wisdom and awareness as a child to correct them sometimes directly and other times indirectly.  As parents, our job is to teach our kids to behave while also helping them thrive. It requires patients and takes time. Discipline in love but do not abuse the child verbally or physically.  Talk and engage the child to understand their point of view before jumping to a conclusion of what type of discipline to administer. Also, ensure as parents, you not only tell them how to behave but also be an example for them to see. Reward good behaviour. Take away some privilege once in a while. Spanking is not the way as it makes the child become aggressive and think its ok to physically hurt someone you love.     It falls on our generation to do better. Our parents brought us up with the best information they had available to them at the time but we cannot afford to repeat their mistakes knowing well that most of what our parents called discipline was abuse and that is very wrong. We can’t fail our children a second time and make them resent us in future.  You can discipline your child without hurting them physically or emotionally.


  1. Chizzybeasy

    Wow. Dr Progress you have said it all. I hope we change the narrative. I know how much emotional abuse and physical abuse affected me and I’m still working on myself . Thank you for this write up . I hope we unlearn a lot of things.

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  39. پزشک عمومی در منزل مشهد کیست؟
    پزشک عمومی مشهد در شناسایی و درمان بسیاری از بیماری ها مهارت دارد و دانش وسیعی در زمینه
    مشکلات تنفسی، گوارشی، عصبی، خون شناسی و غیره دارد.
    واکسیناسیون، معاینه های معمول و روتین، ارجاع به متخصص
    و مراقبت کردن از بیمارانی که به بیماری های مزمن و
    طولانی مدت مبتلا هستند از نمونه کار های
    پزشک عمومی می باشد. پزشک عمومی در مشهد وظیفه دارد برای
    حفظ سلامتی تمامی مراجعه
    کنندگان خود تلاش کند و
    در صورتی که افراد دچار بیماری
    های مختلف می شوند، باید توصیه های لازم
    را ارائه دهد و فرد را برای انجام آزمایش
    های لازم به آزمایشگاه درمانگاه ارجاع
    دهد و سپس با تجویز داروی مناسب سبب بهبود بیمار شود.
    پزشک عمومی مشهد در ابتدا از بیمار
    در مورد علائم فعلی، مدت زمان شروع علائم، تسکین
    و یا تشدید بیماری او و آزمایش های قبلی و درمان هایی
    که انجام داده است سوال می کند
    و بعد از آن با توجه به مشکل بیمار معاینات
    لازم را انجام می دهد تا بتواند
    موارد مشکوک را شناسایی کند و بیمار را درمان کند.

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  42. قلب چه کاری در بدن انجام می دهد؟
    قلب مهم ترین عضو بدن و مرکز اصلی سیستم گردش
    خون ما انسان ها می باشد که در واقع از راه
    شبکه ای که به وسیله ی رگ ها شکل
    گرفته، خون را که شامل اکسیژن و سایر مواد مغذی می باشد را به تمامی
    قسمت های بدن می رساند. در واقع قلب حیاتی ترین عضو
    بدن می باشد و از نظر بهترین فوق تخصص قلب
    مشهد انسان همواره باید سلامتی و وضعیت قلب خود را کنترل کند زیرا هر گونه اختلال
    در قلب می تواند به سایر اندام های بدن آسیب برساند.

    بیماری قلبی چیست؟
    واژه بیماری قلبی برای اشاره به حمله
    قلبی استفاده می شود ولی به تمامی بیماری های قلب مانند بیماری عروق کرونر، نارسایی قلبی، سکته قلبی، آریتمی قلبی و کاردیومیوپاتی بیماری قلبی می گویند.

    چگونه خدمات را از حامیان سلامت رضوی دریافت کنیم

    برای دریافت خدمات پزشکی و پرستاری از حامیان سلامت رضوی
    کافیست ب شماره 09309009159 تماس گرفته و شرح حال بیمار خود و مشکل
    او را شرح دهید کارشناس ما با توجه به شرح حال و وضعیت
    بیمار شما کارشناس مربوطه اعم از
    پزشک یا پرستار برای شما در سریع ترین زمان ممکن اعزام میکند توجه کنید زمان برای ما
    خیلی مهم است و ما همیشه در تلاشیم
    تا در سریع ترین زمان ممکن ارائه خدمت صورت گیرد.

    نگران نباشید اگر نیاز به تهیه دارو باشد پس از
    ویزیت پزشک و یا متخصص در منزل کارشناس پرستار ما میتواند داروهای شما را تهیه نماید ما تمام
    دوره درمان را همراه شما هستیم.

  43. بررسی رفتارهای مرتبط با سلامت افراد،
    نقش مهمی در برنامه ریزی برای سلامت
    جمعیت دارد. به عنوان مثال، اگر یک مشکل سلامتی در یک منطقه جغرافیایی
    یا گروه جمعیتی خاص در حال افزایش است، این
    دانش می تواند به مداخلات بهداشتی
    هدفمند کمک کند که می تواند این
    افزایش را مهار کند. اخیراً، توجه به مشکلات سلامتی که توسط
    جامعه لزبین، همجنس گرا، دوجنس گرا و ترنسجندر (LGBT) تجربه می شود، افزایش یافته است.

    برای کمک به درک بزرگی و علل این مسائل، دولت های مختلف فرآیند جمع آوری اطلاعات در مورد مشکلات بهداشتی LGBT را آغاز کرده است.

    اما این مسائل را چطور می توان اندازه گیری کرد؟

    ممکن است بدیهی به نظر برسد که اگر می خواهید گرایش جنسی کسی را بدانید، می
    توانید به سادگی از او بپرسید “آیا شما همجنسگرا
    هستید؟” اما در واقع، موضوع پیچیده تر از این است.
    اخیراً، مرکز ملی آمار سلامت گزارشی درباره نحوه پرسیدن این سؤالات برای
    نظرسنجی مصاحبه ملی سلامت منتشر کرده است.

    استریت چیست
    استریت چیست
    برای این مصاحبه سلامتی،
    جنبه اصلی گرایش جنسی که آنها علاقه مند به مطالعه آن هستند، هویت جنسی
    است. طراحی کنندگان گزارش این کلمه را به عنوان “مفهومی از
    خود تعریف می کنند که در یک زمینه اجتماعی شکل می گیرد و رابطه آنها را با افراد، گروه ها و
    نهادهای اجتماعی سیاسی در آن زمینه تعریف می کند.” منظور آنها از این نظرسنجی و مصاحبه این است که به جای تمرکز بر اینکه افراد از نظر جنسی به چه کسانی جذب می شوند یا با
    چه کسانی رابطه جنسی دارند، علاقه اصلی آنها به جنبه های
    هویتی را با سؤالات و گزینه های جواب تعیین کنید (مثلاً با این سؤال
    “آیا لزبین هستید؟”).

    منطق آنها این است که “در زمینه
    سلامت، هویت جنسی برای درک دسترسی پاسخ دهندگان
    به مراقبت های بهداشتی و متعاقباً کیفیت مراقبتی که ارائه می شود، مفید است.
    همچنین در درک عوامل خطر مانند رژیم غذایی، ورزش،
    الگوهای استرس و سیگار کشیدن به عنوان این عوامل ارتباط
    تنگاتنگی با اجتماع و همچنین تصور از خود دارند.
    توجه به این نکته مهم است که اگرچه افراد ممکن است هویت خود را در چارچوبی از اینکه با چه کسی
    رابطه جنسی دارند یا به چه کسی جذب می‌شوند، تصور کنند، رفتار و جاذبه به
    خودی خود هویت را تشکیل نمی‌دهند، این معناست
    (به‌ویژه تعابیری که افراد آن
    رفتارها و تجربیات را نسبت می‌دهند) که مشخص می‌کند در نهایت چگونه هویت خود را
    مفهوم‌سازی می‌کنند.

    دیدگاه آنها این است که هویت مهمترین بُعد برای مطالعه نابرابری
    های سلامت است، اگرچه آنها
    اذعان دارند که ابعاد دیگری مانند رفتار جنسی ممکن است برای مسائل خاص سلامتی (به عنوان مثال عفونت های مقاربتی) مهم تر باشد.

    استریت چیست
    استریت چیست
    این گزارش اذعان می‌کند که سنجش هویت جنسی چالش‌هایی را به همراه دارد، چون مفهومی پیچیده است که
    در زمینه‌های اجتماعی و سیاسی ریشه دارد و می‌تواند در طول زندگی تغییر
    کند. این گزارش تاکید می کند که در حالی که هویت جنسی یک ساختار مهم برای افراد
    برای افرادی با گرایش های جنسی متفاوت
    (که گاهأ دگرباش جنسی نامیده می شوند) است ، بسیاری از افراد غیر اقلیت هویت
    برجسته ای ندارند. بر اساس این گزارش، ” این پاسخ دهندگان (که برای همه مقاصد به عنوان دگرجنس گرا دسته بندی می شوند)،
    اغلب افراد همجنس گرایان را از خود دور می کنند.” به عبارت دیگر، آنها بیشتر به عنوان «همجنس‌باز» شناخته می‌شوند
    تا «دگرجنس‌گرا». مطالعات قبلی مصاحبه شناختی نشان داد که به دلیل توجه محدود به گرایش جنسی در
    میان اکثریت، پاسخ دهندگان می توانند کلمات “همجنس گرا” و “دگرجنس
    گرا” را اشتباه بگیرند و
    معتقدند که “دگرجنس گرا” به معنای همجنس گرا بودن
    و “همجنس گرا” به معنای استریت بودن است.

    در واقع محققان دریافتند که کلمه “استریت” در بین انگلیسی زبانان به خوبی درک نمی شود و در عوض اغلب
    به معنای “مستقیم” تفسیر می شود.

    پس از در نظر گرفتن این مسائل، گزارش مجموعه‌ای از اصول طراحی
    را برای اطلاع از انتخاب سؤالات توصیه‌شده برای نظرسنجی
    مصاحبه ملی سلامت بعدی تشریح می‌کند.

    اینها شامل استفاده از برچسب‌های معمول
    و روزمره است که مردم برای اشاره به خود استفاده می‌کنند (یعنی «گی» به جای «همجنس‌گرا»)، اجتناب از برچسب‌هایی که مردم نمی‌فهمند (مثلاً «لزبین)» و استفاده از سؤالات
    بعدی برای تجزیه پاسخ‌های مبهم.

    تست گرایش استریت
    بنابراین محققان برای سنجش هویت
    جنسی خود به چه چیزی اکتفا کردند؟

    نمونه سؤالی که پرسیده می‌شود در ادامه
    آورده شده است.

    هویت جنسی خود را چگونه تصور می کنید:

    الف) [برای زنان] لزبین

    ب) [برای زنان] استریت، یعنی نه لزبین
    یا همجنس گرا

    ج) [برای مردان] همجنس گرا یا گی

    د) [برای مردان] استریت، یعنی همجنس گرا نیست

    ه) دوجنسه

    و) چیز دیگری (به الف بروید)

    ی) نمی دانم (به ب بروید)

    اگر پاسخ دهنده و را انتخاب کند، از او سؤالات زیر می شود:

    منظور شما از چیز دیگری این است که …
    شما رک نیستید، اما با برچسب دیگری مانند دگرباش، سه‌جنس‌گرا، همه‌جنس‌گرا یا پان‌جنس‌گرا هویت می‌گیرید.

    شما تراجنسیتی، ترنس سکشوال یا جنسیتی هستید
    شما جنسیت خود را کشف نکرده اید یا
    در حال کشف آن هستید
    شما خودتان را دارای تمایلات جنسی نمی دانید
    شما از برچسب برای شناسایی خود استفاده نمی کنید
    شما اشتباه کردید و قصد انتخاب این
    پاسخ را نداشتید
    منظور شما چیز دیگری است (به C
    اگر پاسخ دهنده “نمی دانم” را انتخاب کند،
    از او خواسته می شود که به شرح زیر عمل کند:

    پاسخی برای سوال وارد نکردید. به این دلیل است که شما:

    شما معنی کلمات را نمی فهمید
    شما کلمات را درک می کنید، اما
    جنسیت خود را کشف نکرده اید یا در حال کشف آن هستید
    منظور شما چیز دیگری است (به C بروید)
    پاسخی برای سوال وارد نکردید. به این دلیل
    است که شما:
    شما معنی کلمات را نمی فهمید
    شما کلمات را درک می کنید، اما جنسیت
    خود را کشف نکرده اید یا در حال کشف آن هستید
    منظور شما چیز دیگری است
    به خاطر داشته باشید که این معیار برای نظرسنجی‌های
    عمومی از جمعیت آمریکا طراحی شده است و ممکن است برای نظرسنجی‌های هدفمندتر از جمعیت LGBT ایده‌آل نباشد.

    تلفظ استریت
    اِس تِ رِیت

    استریت چیست
    استریت چیست
    دگرجنس گرا در مقابل استریت
    جنسیت یک انسان توانایی او در تجربه احساسات اروتیک نسبت به انسان های دیگر است.
    گرایش جنسی یک فرد اساساً بر
    سه نوع دگرجنس گرا، همجنس گرا
    یا دوجنس گرا تقسیم می شود.
    اکثر مردم در سراسر جهان دگرجنس گرا هستند، به این معنی که آنها
    احساسات عاشقانه نسبت به جنس مخالف دارند و همچنین با افراد جنس مخالف رابطه جنسی دارند.
    کلمه دیگری به نام استریت (Straight) برای اشاره
    به افراد دگرجنسگرا در جامعه
    ما به کار می رود. خیلی از افراد بین معنی
    کلمات دگرجنس گرا و استریت سردرگم می
    شوند. این مقاله در مورد این موضوع که آیا
    تفاوت‌های بین استریت و دگرجنس‌گرا وجود دارد یا نه بحث می‌کند.

    دگرجنس گرا
    دگرجنس گرا واژه ای است که برای توصیف گرایش جنسی یک مرد یا یک زن به کار
    می رود. داشتن احساسات عاشقانه یا تمایلات جنسی
    به یک مرد یا زن برای سایر اعضای جنس مخالف طبیعی تلقی
    می شود. زمانی که فردی با جنس مخالف رابطه فیزیکی داشته باشد، دگرجنس‌گرا نامیده می‌شود.
    کشش جنسی یا احساسات شهوانی نسبت
    به اعضای جنس مخالف نیز یک فرد را به
    عنوان دگرجنس گرا معرفی می کند.

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