When The Butterflies Leave…

When The Butterflies Leave…

Photo by Beth Ireland on Unsplash

You know that feeling when you are freshly in a relationship? Yes! That one that spins your head and gives some inner ticklish feeling.  I have heard some refer to that feeling as, having butterflies in the stomach.  It’s known as the “Honeymoon Phase” in most circles – that phase that occurs right when you get into a brand new relationship and the butterflies just won’t quit. That butterfly feeling fades at some point although, the length it takes to fade differs from one relationship to the other (if the butterflies did not leave in your case, please let me know your secret to make them stay).

I have over the years grown in my understanding of love in a romantic relationship. One conclusion for me is that love is not a feeling but a commitment. The butterflies do fade but when they do, does it mean love is no longer there? If you equate love to just feelings, your answer to that question will be different from those that see love as a commitment – saying, from the multitude of other people, I choose you, your strengths and flaws all of it and I am committing myself to you.  When it fades, in my opinion, and from personal experience, it does not mean I don’t love my partner. It just means that love has changed phase, it has transformed and changed shape.  Dr Brown refers to the time after the butterflies have faded as simply being in love. “It is less exciting at times, but this is the phase where we are now learning each other’s love languages; finding out what works and is not working; hopefully learning how to communicate when conflicts arise; the newness begins to fade a bit,” he explains.

Don’t make the mistake to think that the things you did at the start in your relation, will be enough to sustain you in the relationship. You grow and get to know your partner more so also, the need to change and improve on the things you did from the start to keep the fire burning in your relationship. There are basics you must get right that will serve as the foundation, those don’t change but, everything else upon that foundation needs constant improvement and at some point complete overhaul if it no longer serves any purpose.  Let me give some suggestions for when the butterflies leave.

You will build a steady routine as time goes on however, normalcy and routine are often comforting if you’re able to add little surprises in the mix every once in a while to keep the fire going. Be Honest. Sometimes we feel the need to throw in a little white lie here or there in our relationship, especially when it comes to sparing the feelings of our partners. But, in the long run, that really does more harm than good. Honesty is always the best policy in any relationship.  Never stop making each other better person. Be appreciative, stay committed, never forgetting the place of friendship and always bring newness by scheduling time to experience something new together.


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